Should God's People Be Assertive?

Must God's people sit helplessly by while others take away their rights? How is it that God's servants can go boldly and respectfully to God but fear to speak boldly and respectfully to church leaders? This attitude was even in some churches in Paul's day. 2 Cor 11:20 "In fact, you even put up with anyone who enslaves you or exploits you or takes advantage of you or pushes himself forward or slaps you in the face"(NIV).

Most people are either "nonassertive" or become "aggressive" when they are in disagreement. Either of these is an extreme. The "nonassertive" Christian goes through life without getting their needs met or their rights. The "aggressive Christian" goes through life sometimes getting their needs met but hurting people in the process.

Understanding our rights is the first step to learning Godly Assertiveness. In the "Bill of Assertive Rights" we find that we have the right to "judge our own behavior, thoughts, and emotions and to take the responsibility for their initiation and consequences upon" ourselves. We have the right to offer "no reason or excuses for justifying" our behavior.

"Everyone has the right to freedom of thought, conscience and religion; this right includes freedom to change his/her religion or belief, and freedom, either alone or in community with others and in public or private, to manifest his/her religion or belief in teaching, practice, worship and observance." (From The Universal Declaration of Human Rights, Article 18)

"Everyone has the right to freedom of opinion and expression; this includes freedom to hold opinions without interference and to seek, receive and impart information and ideas through any media and regardless of frontiers." (Article 19)

God allowed His servants to "Speak up" to Him. Moses did when God threatened to annihilate Israel and make of Moses' genealogy the nation God would choose. Moses reminded God that the other nations might say that He did this because He couldn't bring them into the land He promised.

EXAMPLES OF ASSERTIVENESS

David spoke up and said, "Behold, it is I who have sinned, and it is I who have done wrong; but these sheep, what have they done? Please let your hand be against me and against my father's house."

God is not unjust or unfair that He has to be reminded by man. But God encourages man to be properly assertive and to use the mind God gave him.

Jesus was assertive enough to resist the temptation to be intimidated by the Pharisees. They told Him, "Why do the disciples of John fast often, and make prayers, and likewise the disciples of the Pharisees; but yours eat and drink?" (Luke 5:33). Jesus told them, "You cannot make the sons of the bride chamber (attendants) fast while the bridegroom is with them, can you? But the days will come, when the bridegroom is taken away from them, then they will fast in those days."

Peter was assertive enough to ask Jesus if he could walk to Him on the water. "And Peter answered him and said, Lord, if it be thou, bid me come unto thee on the water." (Matt. 14:38)

But Peter was out of bounds when he rebuked Jesus for showing "his disciples how that he must go unto Jerusalem, and suffer many things of the elders and chief priests and scribes, and be killed and be raised again the third day."

Peter decided to set Jesus straight. He "rebuked" Jesus (Matt. 16:22). The Greek word is "Epitimao" and means "charged" and is widely used in the New Testament. In this case Peter is trying to get these thoughts out of Jesus' mind. "Be it far from thee, Lord, this shall not be unto thee." But Peter was not assertive. He was aggressive! He was outside of his own rightful place and was intruding into Jesus' rightful place.

Jesus was properly assertive. He set Peter straight. "Get thee behind me, Satan: thou art an offence to me: for thou savourest not the things that be of God, but those that be of men" (Matt. 16:23).

To be assertive, we must know our rights and our boundaries.

OTHER EXAMPLES:

When King Nebuchadnezzer made a golden calf, he demanded that all his subjects bow down to it at the sound of the chord played by an orchestra. Three people did not and were noticed and reported. These were Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego. The three men quietly and without disruption just did not bow to the golden image the King had set up.

Notice that they did not openly demonstrate through the streets of Babylon, trying to rally all the other Jews. They did not defy the king openly and demandingly in front of others. They did not check to see if it would "be all right if we don't bow down before this idol." They merely did not do it!

But, because some were jealous of them, they were reported to the king who was not accustomed to having anyone not do as he commanded. Though the king had no right to make people bow to a god of his making or of his whim, he demanded they do just that. But these men refused respectfully. They did not berate the king. They did not make fun of his idol or insult him for making it. They merely refused to bow down to it.

But when the king said, "And who is the god that can save you out of my hand," they answered that their God could do so. But if He did not chose to they would still not bow down to the king's idol. Again, they did not attack the king or make fun of his idol. They just stayed within their own boundary and tended to the things they had a right to do.

We know the rest of the story. God saved them. They were courageous. They were full of faith. They were determined. They were ASSERTIVE!

THE STRENGTH OF YOUR OWN KNOWLEDGE

Assertiveness can just be being willing to speak up appropriately when something seems wrong or illogical. Another type of godly assertive behavior is having the strength of one's knowledge.

For instance, when Peter appeared at the gate of the house of John Mark's mother (Acts 12), they were all praying for him believing him to be in prison. When the servant girl recognized his voice, she got so excited that she left Peter at the door while she went to tell the others.

Instead of receiving the news and believing her, they told her she was "out of her mind" or "beside herself." But, she "Insisted" that it was so. Nonassertive people can sometimes be talked out of what they have seen and know to be correct because they don't want to stand alone. To be assertive, one has to be able to stand alone in the conviction of one's knowledge. (It goes without saying that one would want to be open minded to new knowledge and new facts and would or should adjust one's position accordingly.)

The Bible talks about Christians having "boldness" and "confidence" and the apostles who had "freedom of speech" to speak God's truth.

Jesus speaks to the church at Thyatira and says, "But I have this against you, that you tolerate the woman Jezebel, who calls herself a prophetess, and she teaches and leads My bondservants astray, so that they commit acts of immorality and eat things sacrificed to idols" (Rev. 3:20 NASV).

How can God's people help but tolerate this church condition if they cannot speak up or be assertive? Wrong church government usually ends up holding down appropriate godly assertion. Speaking of Diotrephes, John writes "...neither does he himself receive the Brethren, and he forbids those who desire to do so, and puts them out of the church" (3 John 10 NASV).

How can we be assertive in a godly way? Remember there is a difference between being rebellious and expressing an honest question, an honest opinion, or an honest proposal. (The example of Korah should not be cited to shut down an honest disagreement.) But how do you state a question or a disagreement?

RESPECTFUL ASSERTION

Do it respectfully; "I didn't understand something because it just didn't make sense to me..."

Do it honestly: "I honestly don't see your point on ..." Or "I think the church would be better off if we did..." Or "I would like to see us do ..."

In the congregation I pastor, a member may speak to any member of the Church Council or to the Pastor to convey his/her thoughts, questions, suggestions, concerns.

HOW TO BE ASSERTIVE IN YOUR CHURCH

Always be assertive but WITHOUT accusation or imputing of motives!! People who are truly assertive are polite, kind, and respectful. They give the benefit of the doubt regarding another person's motivations.

Remember, be open minded yourself. Ask yourself, "Does it have to be MY WAY?" Are you open for changing your own mind? Or do you just want to state your opinion without any feedback or challenge to your own thoughts or ideas?

Be assertive.

Speak up...forcefully, sincerely, freely, boldly and respectfully and then be a loyal person and work for the best interests of the your congregation. You can't always have things your way. As long as the minister is not telling you what to do in your own personal life -- what car to drive, what house to live in, what computer you can have, etc.; then you can work toward the best interests of the congregation even if your own ideas are not heeded by the majority. After all, you shouldn't be a tyrant any more than the minister should.